I am still working on my memoir, and I'm debating whether I should include certain parts of my experience. I'd like to include the part about my friend basically turning her back on me when I needed her the most, but I'm not sure if I should. I think that incident is important to the developing theme of friendship in the story, but I'm kind of afraid she'll read it and then get mad at me for writing about it.
I'm still looking for someone to critique my MS. Anyone interested? TIA!!
Oh my! That's a hard question to answer. Is there a way you could change up what happened so that it isn't obvious who it was? Maybe combine her part of the story with someone else? I think if you are still friends with her or you are worried about her suing you, then I'd cut the experience. It's not worth losing a friend over and it's not worth a court battle. If you don't think she'll ever read it and/or know that it was her, it's up to your discretion. You could even try asking her, if you are still friends with her, if it's ok if you include her "part" omitting any details she doesn't feel comfortable with you disclosing.
ReplyDeleteHope you are able to figure it out!
Yeah, assuming it's an option, talking to the person to ask if it's okay, and if there are any details they would like changed/omitted, might be the safest route. Best to be upfront about it.
ReplyDeleteIWSG October
My first thought was Yes! Include it.
ReplyDeleteMy second thought was... well, at least talk it over with her so she isn't blindsided when she reads it, and so that you have both sides of the story before you start writing it.
My third thought... well, honestly, it sounds like you're worried about her doing the same thing all over again, and I have to wonder if maybe it's a bad idea to change your project--and especially a project this size--to appease her.
My first thought was also to include it: You're not being true to yourself or your work if you don't, however I appreciate the awkward & possible legal aspects may need a bit of thought. If you change the names, does that get around things?
ReplyDeleteHave you checked out the IWSG facebook critique group?
Morgan, I think it depends on what the theme of your memoir is. Are you just laying out straight? Or do you want your reader to come away with a specific impression? Best of luck with whatever you decide. Happy IWSG.
ReplyDeleteHave you searched for local writing groups? Having a critique partner you can meet in person is really supportive. Or search out blogs that do memoir and maybe find a partner there.
ReplyDeleteThat's really tricky... I don't know how to answer you, since I've never written a memoir. All the best with it!
ReplyDeleteHmm...that is a tough one. If you're sure she's going to read it, I'd leave it out. Or maybe write it and take it out later...the experience of writing it may be cathartic!
ReplyDeleteIf you use her by name or identifying details you are going to need to get her permission anyway via a signed release form. I only had one person ask to read what I wrote about before they would sign the release form. I sent them the part that pertained to them. And then they had no problem signing. But, I am very careful in my writing to only write about how someone else's actions affected me. It's not my place to discredit or disparage anyone else, but I have every right to talk about my part in it or how I dealt with it.
ReplyDeleteBesides, I've always loved this quote: If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” ― Anne Lamott
Is she a subscriber to this blog? If so, she may have already guessed. I'm not sure what the answer is. It's a tough situation. I've included real-life such situations in my fiction, but never in a memoir.
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